Week 3

Well it's the beginning of the 3rd week of my diet and so far, I think I've gained weight. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong here. I figured that maybe beer could be the problem, so I've switched brands to a 55 calorie beer. I've also limited myself to one can of diet pop for lunch. I drink my alcohol on the weekends, but during the week, I drink plenty of water and eat lots of veggies and fiber. I've shaved down all my portions. I've heard a rumor that you gain weight before you lose it, but come on.

I have not weighed myself, nor will I. I refuse to go near a scale until I actually physically feel smaller. I know that getting on a scale at this point would only kill my spirit and sabotage what it is that I'm trying to accomplish.

Right now, I've set my goal weight loss at 20 pounds. Except, I'm not really sure at how I'm going to be able to tell what it is until I get on a scale, but that's the scary part to me. I am very sensitive about my body, and I think that scales are evil.

Breakfast today: 1 cup of raisin bran with half a cup of 2% milk and a fat free, light yoplait.
Lunch: A salad with only a few croutons and 2 tbl of low fat ranch.

Not sure about dinner yet. Most likely some soup.
During the beginning of the process I thought to myself, 'I'm going to try this, but I know it's not going to work.' In my mind, I have accepted that I was just meant to be a thicker person. So part of me had already given up before I'd even started. I am certainly my own worst critic. Except yesterday, I was reading a 'Self' magazine. There was an article in it about girls who have worked with Jillian Michaels, the aerobic trainer that's always on TV. One of them reminded me of myself. She was hard on herself, and kept telling herself that she couldn't do it. Finally, Jillian said, "I want you to leave the gym and not come back until you can realize 'why NOT me?' instead of 'why me?' all the time."

This got me thinking. This phrase keeps running through my mind over and over and that one little article, in a magazine I reluctantly spent $4 dollars on at the dollar store, has changed my way of thinking. That's very true. How do all those girls do it? They were all WAY bigger than I am and they all look awesome now. I am not made of some other anatomy to where my body won't do that too.

I am going to the gym after work. And I'm actually happy about it.