Friday, November 19, 2010
On the Surf Report the other day someone had referenced Jillian Michaels, and it got me going. I used to somewhat like Jillian when I started watching The Biggest Loser last season. I breifly idolized her intensity and passion she threw at you to achieve your goals. I wanted to stress 'briefly'. After purchasing Jillians book "Making the Cut" last year, I learned very quickly, that Jillian Michaels not only looks and talks like a transvestite, but that her ways of losing weight require you to be some kind of millionare chef of somesort. After reading the $400 grocery list, and the fact that Jillian emphasizes that you cannot drink, I retired the book into the cabinet never to be seen again. How dare her. How dare Jillian Michaels tell me I cannot drink. There is a part in the introduction of her book where she says, "BUT, if you have to have alcohol," I picture her rolling her eyes in disgust here like we are all scumbag alcoholics, "You are limited to 2 small glasses of vodka and some diet soda." Did it ever occur to Jillian Michaels that not all people are fans of vodka? I hate vodka. I have always hated vodka. After watching her videos and partially reading her useless book I've really come to hate her actually. I just really despise that manly attitude. I understand your body is ripped like Schwarzenegger's mutant offspring, but why the man voice and mannerisms. For God's sake Jillian Michaels, get the celery stick out of your ass, paint your nails, eat a McNugget and drink a goddamned beer. Live a little.
Lately I've been seeing a lot of nonsense on the news about opting out of being checked at flight security next Wednesday for Thanksgiving flyers. That was pretty much the icing on the cake for me. I don't need anything else to convince me that people are getting stupider and stupider. WHY the hell would you be trying to convince people that opting out of security is a good idea? You're really more worried about a security guard 'touching you' and taking a full body scan of you, then dying in a firey crash on a plane because some asshole suicide bomber wants to blow you up? Good God people, really?! Are you really that stupid, or are you just that hell bent on making some kind of retarded statement? Has anyone noticed lately all the potential bomb threats we've had lately? Oh, and 9/11? If I was going on a plane where half the passenger opted out of security, I'd be pretty goddammed scared. You don't think that there aren't some bombers out there watching the TV shitting themselves with glee and hopping online to buy plane tickets? It just really burns me. My opinion is, if you're going to get some stuffy assmunch that's not going to be willing to be checked, that guy can stay the hell of the plane and eat his Thanksgiving dinner in the airport lobby with the rest of his asshole friends. I just picture some fat idiot, bustling through the airport, red faced and sweating, stopping at the security line, then screaming profanity at the security guards because he's afraid someone is going to fondle his frontal ass. If I had a frontal ass, I would gladly let someone touch it if it meant saving my life. People just baffle me.
I will be back Monday most likely. Feel free to add your opinion, I'm curious what other people think about the plane thing.
Friday, November 12, 2010
"No, it's a female"
"A female named Andy?"
Now becoming slightly offended, I reply, "Yes."
She looks at me, confused, "Andy...this is a female?"
Now annoyed, "Yes. I named my female kitten Andy."
So she takes Andy away. I finally left practically crying because I'm such a baby seeing my child be scared (I don't have kids, my pets are my kids), and went to work. An hour later I receive a call from the vet's office. I answer nervously, contemplating something horrible, but instead she says, "When you came in this morning, you told us Andy was a girl correct?"
"Yes, why what happen to her?"
"Well...I don't know how to tell you this but your Andy is actually a little boy..."
"Yeah, he has testicles...so we are actually going to neuter him...but at least you don't have to change the name!!!"
I was floored. I realize this may sound silly to some people, but it completely blew my mind to find out that our 'little girl' was actually a little boy. We'd been referring to him as 'Poster's little girlfriend' and 'our little girl' and laughing about how Poster will probably be humping her soon. We got a good laugh about that.
Well I am going to watch some Ghost Adventures and go to bed.