Thursday, July 29, 2010


So tomorrow is the Concerned Employee's last day and I couldn't be happier. We've all been counting down the days.  The only drawback to her departure is the fact that my boss decided that I would be taking over her job. I think I mentioned this in the last post.  I didn't realize how annoying this process was actually going to be.  She's been here this week, but has decided that she is done working, and has been dumping all of her files, e-mails, & phone calls on me and obviously throughly enjoying it, you can just hear the excitement in her voice as she tells a student to call me. I hate her.  It wouldn't be so bad, if I knew anything about her job.  She handles all the graduating students, and basically gets them through the graduation process, and ultimately presents them their degrees.  Wayyyyy easier said then done.  Has anyone ever witnessed the process of someone trying to get their medical degree? I mean, not just heard it from the student's point of view, but actually seen the work that needs to be done? It's a damn long process and a whole helluva lot of paper. The same time that 'CE' has decided to go on her way, they also decided to fire the girl that works in our Philidelphia office. Guess who was designated to take over her job? If you said 'you!' you're  I think I mentioned this all in the last post though, so sorry for the deja vu. Basically I'm going to be doing the job of 3, and you're damn right I asked for a raise (in writing). I'll keep you posted on the outcome of how that goes...I have yet to hear about my pay increase request.

So Saturday, we are going to Six Flags, in Gurnee IL.  I am incredibly excited, but secretly scared shitless too.  Ben took me here back in 2008, we got a hotel, went out to a nice dinner, had a great night...the next day, we went on 4 rollercoasters and I had enough.  I don't even remember what set me off.  I just remember we went on the Dark Knight Coaster, Batman, Vertical Velocity, and then Superman. None of them were even that scary, I just hype myself up and keep telling myself that the cart is going to fly off the tracks and I'm going to go hurtling into the air and splat onto the concrete and the more I kept thinking it the more scared I got...but this is a common fear right? I know I'm not the only person in the world that thinks this.

The one I'm especially scared off though is the Raging Bull, that first drop is going to make me cry, I just know it. It's the tallest coaster there, peaking at 208 feet, and Ben will not let me live it down if I bitch out again. He was not happy with me that day, and I don't blame him, tickets prices are 100% bullshit.

I decided that I am going to mimick the show 'Bert the Conquerer' on Travel Channel.  I smile like an idiot from ear to ear when I watch this show.  Bert is incredibly afraid of heights, but has to do challenges that involve riding the tallest coasters in the world, skydiving, whatever he is deathly afraid of, he has to do. If Bert the Conquerer can conquer them, then so can I.

Bring it on Raging Bull...Bring it on.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Love Rant

I am having somewhat of a terror of a day today, so I figured today would be the perfect day to write out my promised 'love rant' to counter the 'hate rant' I posted a few days ago.

As I said, the crazy lady has quit, and July 30th is her last day.  I guess the joke is partially on me because my boss has decided that I am the perfect canidate to take over her work (the work, not being crazy).  They've also decided to fire the girl the our Philadelphia office, and who did they decide would take over her work? Me as well. So I am doing both of their jobs, plus my own, which I don't even know what that is anymore. I've decided that I am going to ask for a raise...that's a lot of work. Even today, psycho has been forwarding all of her e-mails to me, and I honestly think she's getting pure excitement out of it. She's sitting over there, with her elf hair, snickering while she sends them, and bombards me with instant messages about how to do her job.  That's exactly why I was avoiding telling her until the absolute last minute, but my boss had to spring it on her. It was only a matter of seconds before she was rattling away on the keyboard, telling me things like, 'Lol, Good luck!', and shit of that nature...I want to throw her out the window. I'm pretty sure she wants this place to crash and burn because she honestly believes that she is the heart and soul of this business.  She keeps it running, and without her, we are nothing. Gawwwwwd, shut up already. I feel sorry for the people at her new job.

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty down today.  My phone has been ringing non-stop, e-mails have been pouring in, people are giving me work that they are very capable of doing themselves.  Seriously, you can't put a file away? You have to leave it on my desk to put away for you? Sure, just add it to the pile, I'll get to it never.  Ultimately the file will sit on my desk until someone is scurrying around the office looking for it one day and they come to me to look for it, and the cycle starts all over again.

1. I love texting.
2. I love Dairy Queen ice-cream.  There is something about it that I find to be better then most ice-creams, and I stand by that no matter anyone says.
3. I love cottage cheese on baked potatoes.
4. I love wearing flip flops, and have literally worn them until the day it starts snowing. True story. I remember because Ben's uncle grabbed me by the shoulders one night, shook me violently and yelled, "You're gonna freeze out here in those flip flops kid!" I told 'em, I will wear them 'til it snows.
5. I love my Hyundai.
6. I love having hippie stickers on the back of it.
7. I love concerts.
8. I love being able to get drunk within walking distance from my house, but not actually at my house. No driving, no DUI!
9. I love the feeling when I leave the gym.
10. I love sleeping.
11. I love Saturday mornings, giving I'm not hungover.
12. I love going out to dinner with Ben.
13. I love being one of the only girls I know who can fingerpick a guitar.
14. I love storms (but not violent ones that produce tornados).
15. I love animals, especially cats.
16. I love beer.
17. I love music fesitivals.
18. I love writing.
19. I love Dr. Pepper, but not the commercials. Enough with KISS.
20. I love my mom's garlic rice.
21. I love the feeling of relief.
22. I love my house.
23. I love sticky notes.
24. I love themed parties.
25. I love hating the concerned employee.

That was a lot harder then the hate rant. I actually didn't enjoy doing that at all, I'm going to add that to my hate rant.

Well I'm off to the gym...maybe the lesbians will do something exciting...they never cease to annoy me, but I always love writing about them.

26. I love writing about the lesbians.

Love, Britt

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Hate Rant

Well we brought the new kitty, Andi, home last Friday.  Poster did not take to her as well as we'd hoped. Friday night he avoided her and us like the plague, spending most of his time guarding his litter box, or hissing at her from across the room. We felt kinda sorry for him.  It was obvious he felt rejected and replaced, but what can we do? As of Tuesday he'd become more adjusted.  He hadn't been hissing as much, and has even ventured into the front room where she runs around so he can sniff her and watch anxiously while she plays on his scratch post.  Monday, I was getting ready for work and I heard her playing on it, there was a moment of silence, followed by Poster screeching.  By the time I got in there, Andi was hiding under the couch, and Poster was tearing off up the stairs. I have a feeling Andi jumped on him and scared him because she does not understand that Poster doesn't like her.  Today was the first day we left Andi out of the spare room while we were at work.  This morning they were running about like they were best friends, and upon checking on them at lunch today, they were still good.  So finally that's over. Even though they are just cats, I swear you can still feel the tension between the two of them.

I was watching Tosh.0 the other day on Comedy central, and he was doing a 'Hate Rant'.  'Hate Rants' can also be found on Youtube by various strangers.  I thought it was funny, and I decided to do my own.

1. I hate when I nicely let someone in front of me, and 3 or 4 more cars decide it's their turn too.
2. I hate when my internet is slow.
3. I hate when I go to the gym and their are lesbians hogging up the elliptacles.
4. I hate when I go to the gym and that same guy is on the last elliptacle the lesbians aren't already hogging.
5. I hate tapioca pudding.  What are those little gel pieces in there?
6. I hate that my house always smells like cat butt, no matter how much I clean. I love my cats, but I do not love their bathroom habits.
7. I hate when I go into a public restroom to do a BM and someone always walks in right when you sit down. So you're holding it until they leave, but it seems they are purposely taking their time. Doing their hair in the mirror, drying their hands over and over with 18 papertowels, etc...I always feel better when they turn the hand dryer on though, then it's safe.
8. I hate when people think talking louder to people who don't understand English will make them understand.
9. I hate when you're trying to buy a new cell phone and they go through the entire process, excite you, start your account, then tell you your credit is shot and you can't have the phone unless you pay an $800 downpayment (Ahem, Sprint).
10. I hate when I go to a restaurant and there are floaties in my drink.
11. I hate waiters named 'Ted' at Olive Garden in Matteson, IL. He is terribly slow, forgets everything, and should not be a waiter.
12. I hate when I bite into a peice of good meat and discover it's loaded with chewy fat.
13. I hate when I switch lunch meats at the deli, and get home and discover they are full of chewy fat.
14. I hate when people ask me 'What?' before I even finish the question. Not only are you not listening, but you're also interrupting me.
15. I hate people at concerts who are in the crowded lawn with you, and block off a 10x10 area of space for themselves. If you cross into their imaginary space, the girlfriend will usually start whining to her boyfriend who will then try to start a fight with your boyfriend or friends.  It's a concert, they are crowded, and unless you are paying property taxes on that 10x10 space, I'm gonna stand there goddammit.
16. I hate generic cheeses. For example, cheeses made with oil, not ok (thinking generic kraft singles, ugh)
17. I hate people with big stinky dogs who let their dogs drool, lay and enjoy the rest of the human luxeries of the home covered in rancid dog smell.  I don't mind big dogs who are bathed, I'm talking about those smelly outside dogs. Your house smells, do you not smell that?
18. I hate those Christmas cookies that have the hard jelly in the middle, not appetizing.
19. I hate really big watches.
20. I hate cars that are shaped like tear drops.
21. I hate when girls put their hair up, and leave two pencil thin strips on both sides of the eye and then push it behind their ears, then completely drench their hair in thousands of gallons of hairspray so it looks like plastic. More often then not, there's usually an eyebrow ring thrown in there, topped off with a gaudy shade of white eyeshadow. It's not attractive, please stop.
22. I hate PMS.
23. I hate Totino's pizza commericials.
24. I hate the Concerned Employee.
25. I hate when people get offended by everything. Anything and everything you say offends these people, and they have to question everything you say.  Lighten' up a little, life's too short to be pissed off constantly.

And that's it, I will post my "Love Rant" tomorrow.  Off to the gym.


Friday, July 9, 2010

A Few Good Things

How was everyone's fourth of July weekend? Mine was good. Last year for fourth of July weekend I was sporting a sinus infection and my right ear was swollen shut for 3 weeks.  Since my ear was swollen shut, it was throwing my equilibrium off, causing me to be dizzy and miserable the entire weekend. Come to think of it, that infection didn't go away until the following weekend hours before a friend's pool Luau party.  I remember I was dreading going because I'd been looking forward to it for a month and my ear was still swollen shut, actually at that point the swelling had went away but it was still blocked with mucus.  That day, Ben and I were on our way to PetCo to search for what would soon be Poster, our cat, and I sneezed.  Suddenly, it was like a whole new world was brought before my ears and I could hear again.  Apparently the sneeze had jolted the mucus build up from the infection in my ear I couldn't have been more elated. We went to the party that night and had a great time. Booze, jello shots, slip and slides and mosquito bites to my hearts delight. I think I was celebrating the end to my 3 week sinus infection more than the party itself.

Since my fourth weekend was practically ruined last year, I decided this fourth, I was going to make up for the lack of one I had last year.  Don't get me wrong, last year I still managed to have some fun, faked a few laughs, still managed to drink a few beers, but on the inside I was miserable. 

Last Thursday (July 1st), I went to the gym after work, feeling absolutely fine.  I got home, and had 3-4 beers out on the back porch with a girl friend, went in about 8:30, had a few triscuits and went to bed. No big deal.  Shortly after getting in bed, I started to feel sick. I got up 4 or 5 in fear that I was going barf all over, and finally after not doing this, I fell asleep. I tossed and turned all night, waking up on the hour, having weird dreams and hot flashes and what not. All I kept thinking was, "My weekend is ruined...I have the stomach flu, I know it..".  5 am finally rolls around when Ben leaves for work and I discovered that I was now covered in itchy, blotchy hives as far as the eye could see. What the hell was going on there?  First I'm awake all night with stomach cramps and flu symptoms and now hives? I'm not even allergic to anything. So I went back to sleep for a few hours hoping when I woke up they would be gone, but they weren't.  In fact they didn't go away until Sunday morning, but I digress. 

I called off work that morning, took some antihistamines, forced myself to do a little housework, and passed out on the couch for 4 hours. I started having a dream that my boyfriend called me and told me he was going out with his buddies after work for a beer, when I am abruptly awoken to my phone ringing. I groggily answer to my boyfriend who says, "Hey, I'm gonna go have a few beers with the guys." Ironic huh? Once I woke up from my 4 hour nap, I felt like a whole new person.

The rest of the weekend went swimmingly.  Saturday we decided to venture out and try out a new water park close to home.  Normally we go to Deep River water park in Indiana that's a solid 2 hours away, but we gave this one a try. This, 'Aquatic Center' was about 20 minutes away, and generally did the same job as Deep River, which is cool you off.  They had a lazy river, which I called the turbo river, because the thing was going about 25 miles per hour, and a few dinky slides.  I felt stupid going on the slides because there were swarms of tiny children surrounding the slides entrances, and Ben and I towered over them like the Stay Puffed Marshmallow man. It's sad when a small child looks at you like you don't belong there instead of the other way around.  They also had a lot of really dumb rules. For example, the park attendees are given about a half hour in the pool before an announcement is made that everyone must get out so the lifeguards can cool off.  I get the point of this, but the lifeguards can't just come down off their beach thrones and dip their feet in and what not? You have to clear 60 or 70 people out of a gigantic pool so 7 lifeguards can cool off? The first time this happened I only saw one go in, 2 others didn't even move, and the remaining ones just jumped down and dipped their feet in for a few minutes. Everyone just stands around the sides of the pool clearly annoyed. In the lazy river, you have to sit with your butt in the hole only or get a whistle blown at you 456 times. It was just dumb. We only made it about 2 hours before we were bored and ready to leave. We agreed that next time we would just go to Indiana.

So, I have greats news for those of you who have read my posts about the 'Concerned Employee'.  You ready for this?

She quit!

I guess her many failed attempts at trying to get the rest of us fired really pissed her off and she's moving on. She hasn't told anyone yet, but my boss told Rochelle (co-worker) who helps him with the hiring, and of course she had to tell us.  We were all giddy.  We immediately started thinking of ways to celebrate. Her last day is July 30th, so I'm going to bring a cake the following Monday that says, 'Good Riddance Concerned Employee'.  I have a friend who makes cakes and I've already made arrangements with her on what it should look like and say. It's going to be great. I even considered making T-shirts that say 'You're friends are not your friends" and giving them to the girls.  The reason being is because after the first 'Concerned Employee' e-mail surfaced about my co-workers and I being on Facebook, and even had the nerve to get on my Facebook and copy and paste all my personal info to management, I blocked off my entire facebook, since it wasn't before and I didn't know, and only left the 'About Me' section visible to strangers.  There, I posted this: CONNIE, STAY THE HELL OFF OF MY FACEBOOK! We are all well aware that you are "The Concerned Employee". And when I say 'we all' I mean EVERYONE. Do you realize how completely psychotic that really is? How many times are you going to try and get Lynnette and I fired by making up elaborate lies about us? I don't like you, for lots of reasons, but I would never try and get you fired like you did to us. It has just gone way too far. You have serious issues. Just remember, what goes around, comes around. So keep it up, 'cos you are only hurting yourself.

The very next morning after I post this, I get an e-mail that says, "It's not Connie, get your facts before you accuse, your friends are not your friends'. "You're friends are not your friends" has been giving us girls something to laugh about for months now, and we'd often talked about getting t-shirts made with that slogan to wear on casual Friday, every Friday.  We started openly talking about 'The Concerned Employee' right in front of her. Except that we would actually say 'Concerned Employee' and not her actual name.  What does she do when we do this? Nothing. She's completely silent.  She just sits at her computer and looks straight ahead like she hasn't any idea what's going on.  First clue that gave it away, is why would you be completely silent? It just makes you look more guilty.  You'd think she'd ask what was going on, or want to be involved in some way, but no.

So it's least we hope so.  It's very possible that she could still send her crazy e-mails even after she's gone but who knows.  For the time being I'm just going to smile and enjoy the sweetness of it all.

Second good thing that's happened is that Ben and I decided to adopt another kitten. A friend of Ben's moms works for a shelter and had a whole litter of medium haired, 8 week old kittens, up for adoption.  We jumped on that because we have a thing for long haired cats.  Poster is a medium haired too and you'd never know the way his long locks gets touseled and tangled and create a perpetual tornado of fur that whirls about the hard wood floors.  I swear I vaccum twice, even three times a week sometimes and the fur just doesn't stop. You wanna know something funnier then the picture? Is that Poster isn't even fat, but he has so much fur it makes him look colossal.

Anyway, I feel like I've been typing for way too long. Have a good weekend friends.

PS: Our newest addition...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Yahooooo Answers

I love reading Yahoo answers on a boring day like today.  I was kind of neglecting my duties as a reliable answerer for the past few weeks, so I was on it again today, browsing some cat questions.  I enjoy reading the cat category best because people ask the stupidest questions .  Here are my favorites directly from the site:

1. I think my cat is dying, what should I do?
2. My cat has been foaming at the mouth, should I be worried?
3. My cat has bloody diarrhea?
4. When will my cat realize that it's chasing around a speck of light?
5. Why did my cat hiss at me when I picked it up while it was pooping?
6. Declawing cat so it stops attacking my pregnant stomach?
7. Can a rabbit get a cat pregnant?
8. Could my cats be evolving? If so, could they be trying to kill me?
9. My cat loves to sleep in a plastic grocery bag, is this safe?
10. I think my cat is dead?

The pooping one was my favorite, and it read:

My mom and I were talking in the kitchen when we heard our cat from below the window meowing loudly. We thought she might have been hurt so we went outside to check. We found her squatting in the grass, and when I approached her, her meows grew louder. When I tried picking her up, she hissed, kicked the dirt and bounced away leaving my mom and I laughing so hard at what she left behind for us.  My cat is not aggressive at all. Why did she react this way?

My response:

I get pretty angry too when people sneak up on me while I'm pooping in the grass.

I also thoroughly enjoyed number 6:

i am pregnant and i think my cat hates the baby. i swear that it wants me to get an abortion and it keep clawing at my stomach. i want to declaw it so my fetus is protected. can i do this?

My response:

"My fetus"!? LOLOL, Thanks for the laugh! Seriously...thank you.

I just don't get people...You think that your cat is trying to claw your belly because it's jealous of your baby? By the sound of it, this woman should not even be having a baby, and how would a cat know if you had a baby inside? Are you retarded?  I'm asking because I'm concerned.  Not a concerned employee (heh), but a concerned individual for that poor child that will be bore into the world to a woman who believes her cat is trying to kill her unborn child.  That baby is going to grow up afraid of house cats and will be one of those people on the Maury "Fear" show.  They will bring out demonic clowns that will chase him with several house cats, and force him to pet them, and give them treats, and he will live in fear and seclusion in his mothers basement for the rest of his life.

Did I paint a nice picture for anyone there? Does anyone else feel cold and depressed now?  Just kidding.  Realistically I'm pretty sure this post was fake, and was posted by two 12 year old boys, giggling and peeing on each other or whatever little 12 year olds do...I dunno, showing each other their poop or something...little boys do weird things that usually has to do with poop, pee or boogers, so I'm just throwing out a shot in the dark there. I could be wrong though, nowadays it's probably looking at Busty Asian Beauties, chewing Skoal and drinking beer.  Who knows, society is mess now.  Did anyone see that video of that 2 year old that smokes cigarettes over in Indonesia or wherever? They said that he just picked it up one day and if they try to take it away he throws a tantrum. 40 cigarettes a day!? Who's buying this kid his smokes? Does he eat? Does he sleep? There is so many holes in this story...

Well I have about an hour of the work day left, so I'm gonna visit