Thursday, July 1, 2010

Yahooooo Answers

I love reading Yahoo answers on a boring day like today.  I was kind of neglecting my duties as a reliable answerer for the past few weeks, so I was on it again today, browsing some cat questions.  I enjoy reading the cat category best because people ask the stupidest questions .  Here are my favorites directly from the site:

1. I think my cat is dying, what should I do?
2. My cat has been foaming at the mouth, should I be worried?
3. My cat has bloody diarrhea?
4. When will my cat realize that it's chasing around a speck of light?
5. Why did my cat hiss at me when I picked it up while it was pooping?
6. Declawing cat so it stops attacking my pregnant stomach?
7. Can a rabbit get a cat pregnant?
8. Could my cats be evolving? If so, could they be trying to kill me?
9. My cat loves to sleep in a plastic grocery bag, is this safe?
10. I think my cat is dead?

The pooping one was my favorite, and it read:

My mom and I were talking in the kitchen when we heard our cat from below the window meowing loudly. We thought she might have been hurt so we went outside to check. We found her squatting in the grass, and when I approached her, her meows grew louder. When I tried picking her up, she hissed, kicked the dirt and bounced away leaving my mom and I laughing so hard at what she left behind for us.  My cat is not aggressive at all. Why did she react this way?

My response:

I get pretty angry too when people sneak up on me while I'm pooping in the grass.

I also thoroughly enjoyed number 6:

i am pregnant and i think my cat hates the baby. i swear that it wants me to get an abortion and it keep clawing at my stomach. i want to declaw it so my fetus is protected. can i do this?

My response:

"My fetus"!? LOLOL, Thanks for the laugh! Seriously...thank you.

I just don't get people...You think that your cat is trying to claw your belly because it's jealous of your baby? By the sound of it, this woman should not even be having a baby, and how would a cat know if you had a baby inside? Are you retarded?  I'm asking because I'm concerned.  Not a concerned employee (heh), but a concerned individual for that poor child that will be bore into the world to a woman who believes her cat is trying to kill her unborn child.  That baby is going to grow up afraid of house cats and will be one of those people on the Maury "Fear" show.  They will bring out demonic clowns that will chase him with several house cats, and force him to pet them, and give them treats, and he will live in fear and seclusion in his mothers basement for the rest of his life.

Did I paint a nice picture for anyone there? Does anyone else feel cold and depressed now?  Just kidding.  Realistically I'm pretty sure this post was fake, and was posted by two 12 year old boys, giggling and peeing on each other or whatever little 12 year olds do...I dunno, showing each other their poop or something...little boys do weird things that usually has to do with poop, pee or boogers, so I'm just throwing out a shot in the dark there. I could be wrong though, nowadays it's probably looking at Busty Asian Beauties, chewing Skoal and drinking beer.  Who knows, society is mess now.  Did anyone see that video of that 2 year old that smokes cigarettes over in Indonesia or wherever? They said that he just picked it up one day and if they try to take it away he throws a tantrum. 40 cigarettes a day!? Who's buying this kid his smokes? Does he eat? Does he sleep? There is so many holes in this story...

Well I have about an hour of the work day left, so I'm gonna visit



Evil Twin's Wife said...

Wow...those are...interesting questions there. What a bunch of morons! LOL.

Valentin said...

Hey maybe you should go see a doctor about the hypochondria stuff. You might have anxiety. I do but i take lexapro and its the only thing that makes me feel normal.

Brittney:) said...

I've actually had anxiety my whole life, I was on various medications for a long time and finally weened myself off. It has seriously improved since then (I was only about 12 when I first noticed it, I'm almost 25 now), but I still experience symptoms from time to time. For example, the constant fear of being sick, unnecessary guilt, sadness, panicking...but I've learned to cope naturally over the years and tell myself that everything is fine and it's all in my head, it seems to work for the most part. I just made the concious decision that I didn't want to be on medications. I'm glad the Lexapro is helping you though, I took something called Buspar that I don't believe is distributed anymore, but it made me feel super high and gave me the munchies, it was weird, but it worked!