Friday, November 30, 2012

Dressing up for Black Friday

So, I learned recently that Ben doesn't like turkey. He will eat bone marrow appetizers from restaurants, but can't stomach turkey. He also doesn't like spaghetti, but can slurp 478 thousand oysters with hot sauce and lemon juice, while smiling. I tried my first oyster recently, and it's kind of like sucking a booger out of a shell. I guess if you like sucking spicy boogers out of seashells, then oysters are just the thing for you.

Now being apart of my family and Ben's family, Ben and I attend two Thanksgivings, so that's double the leftovers. Our fridge goes from housing cobwebs, to housing lots of good food from two good moms.

Since Ben doesn't like turkey, I had a whole Tupperware to myself and was kind of bummed because I didn't want to waste it. I mean, you can only eat so much turkey. So I stood there, and stared at it for 10 minutes. Then, I got an idea. The turkey reminded me a lot of the roasted turkey that is served at Panera on my favorite sandwich. The roasted turkey, avocado, BLT. I had the turkey, the bread, the avocado, and the mayo, so I was set. I subbed a piece of smoked provolone for the bacon. I am often the victim of ridicule when I admit this, but I am not a fan of bacon. Preparing it requires a lot of raw meat touching, and grease splatter and considering that we do not have an exhaust fan above our stove, every piece of fabric in my house smells like bacon for a week. It's not really an enjoyable experience. Plus it always has those clear strips of fat in them, and they are just so...jiggly. Then I go to bed that night and am reminded of the jiggly fat strips when my face touches my bacon scented pillow. Anyway, I've digressed...

I toasted the bread and put together a pretty little sandwich...


There is no sausage on this sandwich, those are my fingers. Do not be alarmed. Looks good though doesn't it? Well, it was. 

When I ran out of this fine Thanksgiving turkey, I recreated the idea with roasted turkey lunch meat from the deli and used some leftover tortillas. Turkey and avocado makes a fine wrap too.

Black Friday, my brother and I wasted some time at Kohl's. I am not one of the crazies that gets up at 4am and tramples people, so we ventured out about 9:30. I have no interest in buying electronics so we usually just wander around aimlessly until we find some random, useless, junk that's worth buying.

When we got there, I was immediately confused. The first thing I noticed when I walked into the store was not the merchandise, but the onslaught of women who were dressed to the nines, clicking and clacking around in heels and fur coats and what not. I saw a few young girls in glittering boots, their hair spiral curled, hooker make-up on...WHAT, I ask, is the point of this? I did not even wear heels in my wedding dress, let alone, to go shopping on black Friday. Clearly, you spent a lot of time getting ready that morning, and I was dressed like a homeless person. I literally felt uncomfortable about this. I felt dreary and sad, and I'm pretty sure some of the employees were waiting for me to pickpocket someone or steal a toaster or something. I guess I could have wore heels with my sweatpants to fit in a little better, but then I would have been 'that lady'. You know, that one lady that wears heels with sweatpants and a tie-dye to the store and you're like, "Hey, look at that lady. Weirdo doesn't own a pair of gym shoes? Gawd". I didn't take a shower before I went either and still had mud on my coat from the demo derby I went to a few months ago. I figured if people thought I was homeless they would either A) give me money or B) completely leave me alone.  So I was at the advantage.

I didn't need a toaster anyway.

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