Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Poster the Cat

Most of you have already met Poster Nutbag.  He is Ben and mine's fury feline friend whom we named after the Phish song 'Harpua'.  Harpua is actually a dog who gets into a fight with Poster. I think that's pretty much what the wholes story/song is about, I've never really understood it to be honest. Ben can tell the whole story backwards and frontwards and in different languages I think.  Poster is a long haired Maine Coon mix.  For awhile, we were definate that he was a Norwegian Forest Cat, but since they are so similar in so many ways, we are having a really hard time figuring it out, so now we are leaning more towards a Maine Coon.

In the morning, Poster likes to promptly wake us up at 4 am by clawing the corners of our box spring.  When he does this, he shakes the whole bed, and the sound is definately in my top 10 most irritating sounds.

Ben leaves for work shortly after, and I get up sometime around 7:40 depending on whether or not I am going to the gym. First I take a shower, and Poster sits outside and waits. I get out of the shower, Poster sits on my feet.  Poster continues to sit on my feet, even while I am using the toilet. I try to scoot him away with my foot, but this usually causes a reaction in which he provides what I call 'a death grip' onto my foot, and nibbles it gleefully as if he's triumphed over a small animal.  After several attempts to shake him off, he gives up and then turns towards the shower and watches the water bead down the shower curtain for a little while. Eventually, he gets into the bathtub, and attack the water too.  Watching is not enough, he must interact with it. Once he is finished with that, he will climb up onto the toilet, and try to get out the closed window, only the blinds are closed too, and he must first get those out of the way to get to the window, which is also closed mind you. So it ends up just being a lot of pointless noise.

He spends most of the day very effortlessly pulling open our magnetized cabinets and exploring the wonders of the pots and pans universe. The other night, he was hiding in there and I didn't know. So I bent down to peek in the dark cave-like cabinet, and make sure I didn't close him in there, and sure as hell, he sprang out at me a serial killer, landed about 3 feet away from the cabinet, couldn't get traction on the wood floor, ran in place for a few seconds, then very dramatically bounded up the stairs.  Pans and baking sheets came pouring out like the cabinet was throwing up, and I almost fell on my ass.  I haven't gasped that loud since I was 12 and thought there was someone hiding in my room next to my dresser, but it turned out to be a George Harrison poster--seriously, it was that scary.  When an unsuspecting furry werewolf jumps out at you in the darkness, spilling pots and pans all over the floor, you tell me that wouldn't scare the bejesus outta you?

Poster always enjoys making an extravagant toilet paper trail from the upstairs bathroom down to the first floor (as seen in an earlier post).

He also likes to chirp at birds out the window, eat bugs, poop, eat and pooping some more. When he's not eating or pooping, he's sleeping.

He's taken a new interest to his 'room' as we call it, which is actually just a broom closet where his litter box, food and water have been homed. He spends a lot time in there, catching lady bugs, eating more than he should, pushing his water bowl all over. He prefers it to be right next to the litter box, I'm guessing so he can wash his feet when he gets out, kind of like we used to do before we got into a pool when we were kids.  Realistically though, this creates problems, because the dumb ass puts it right in front of his box, so when he scurries out of the litter box to avoid smelling his own poop, he showers the bowl with litter on his way out. Returns later, sniffs and says, "Nope, not drinking that" which results in more pushing, more puddles, and a retarded wet and thirsty cat. We clean the bowl all the time. Usually I just wipe it out because supposedly if you wash the bowl with detergent, they can smell it and have a hard time drinking it. But we've given up trying to figure out the 'bowl pushing' ritual, because he won't stop, and seems to find pleasure in doing it, so oh well.

Speaking of litter box...Poster left such a bad poop the other day, I could smell it two rooms away...and the smell wasn't just passing through, it was getting worse and worse and seemed to be following me.  Ben was sleeping on the couch near me and I wondered whether or not he could smell it in his sleep.  I'm surprised it didn't wake him up.  So I was forced to clean the box earlier then normal to rid of this feces catastrophe.
At night, he usually has a small burst of energy where he will run around the house 35-40 times, do the 'lizard crawl' on the couch, then finally collapse in front of the TV where he then licks his his crotch for an hour.  He will follow us to bed, and sleep in various positions, usually on our chests or in between our legs. It's not very comfortable to have a large furry thing louging all over you through out the night.  It was ok when he was kitten, but now he's a big furry werewolf, and it's not ok anymore.  I usually wake up and have to physically remove him from the bed because simple shooing doesn't work.
I've come to the conclusion that Poster is a very needy cat. He follows both of us wherever we go, and hates to see us leave in the morning. He will try his very hardest to follow us outside, and even tries to trick us by sticking his paw in the door as we close it.  He loves us.

Well it's only 1:30 and I feel this is going to be a very long afternoon.
I'm going to the gym after work too, if I have any energy left when I leave here.

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