Monday, December 12, 2011

The Downsides to Concerts

For anyone who knows me or anyone who has read my previous blogs, my boyfriend and I go to a lot of shows/concerts/music festivals. We are no strangers to the patchouli scented scene that is jam music.  I have attended the following shows:

The Monkees - Star Plaza Theatre, IN - 96'
Paul McCartney - The United Center, IL 99'
Warped Tour - Tweeter Center, IL - 01'
Warped Tour - Tweeter Center, IL - 03'
Summercamp Music Festival, IL -  04'
Particle - The Pearl Room, IL - 04'
Dave Matthews - Tweeter Center, IL - 04'
Particle - The Congress Theater - IL - 04'
Summercamp Music Fesitval, IL 05'
Dave Matthews - Alpine Music Theater, WI - 05'
Keller Williams - Canopy Club - 07'
Umphreys McGee - The Aragon, IL 08'
Rothbury Music Festival, MI - 08'
Disco Biscuits - Congress Theatre, IL - 09'
Keller Williams - Canopy Club - 09'
Umphreys McGee - Auditorium Theater, IL 09'
Phish - Alpine Valley Music Theater, WI - 09'
Phish (Festival 8) - Indio, CA - 09'
Keller Williams - The Canopy Club, IL - 10'
Phish - Alpine Valley Theater, WI -10'
Primus - Congress Theater, IL - 10'
Phish (Superball IX) - Watkins Glen, NY - 11'
String Cheese Incident - The Aragon, IL - 11'

Needless to say, I have been to quite a few shows.  Unfortunately the last show for Cheese was cut short, mainly because some asshole stole Ben's bank card at some point the night before and he didn't realize it until a half hour before we were supposed to leave for the concert. Naturally, that will instantly ruin your night, but also because we finally came to the realization of how ignorant the attendees are at these jam shows.

Firstly, The Aragon is a semi-huge venue in Chicago.  It can house a large amount of people easily, but apparently they never sell out of tickets and over stuff the venue for whatever reason with sweaty, smelly bodies, so Ben and I were literally backed into a wall for the 40 minute duration we made it through the show. I could not move. It's a good thing we didn't move too because had we moved, the asshole in front of us sporting a gigantic, bulging, backpack wouldn't have had any room to maneuver his giant asshole bag around in the crowd.  What are you carrying in that backpack? Your friends? A blanket? What gives? Why is it necessary that you bring a gigantic backpack into a sardine packed venue? It's like a wandering airbag that plows into innocent bystanders and knocks them down steps and into walls, and god forbid you should step into someone holding a dixie cup of beer that they just had to take out a second mortgage to purchase. Shame on you.

Secondly, it is a non-smoking venue. Have a little respect for the sea of people who don't smoke in the crowd, and don't blow your cigarette and weed smoke on us while your flailing around, punch dancing all of us.

Thirdly, If you have gigantic dreads, wear them down for the night. When you put your dreads in a ponytail, it creates a very deadly and large weapon of mass destruction that may have the same effect as the 'backpack guy' or even worse, possibly end up in the persons mouth trying to have a good time behind you. This also goes for girls will extremely long hair. There is no reason you have to put your ponytail up and then swing it around like Jan Brady. You don't pay property taxes on the tiny 1x1 space we all get, so knock the shit off. Nobody thinks you're cute accept all the drunk assholes blowing weed on people and punch dancing everyone. (Which reminds me, what is up with the fairy wings and tutus? You look retarded.)

Fourth, If you are going to throw glowsticks at a show (which I encourage), get the little, thin, glowsticks that you can make bracelets out of. Unfortunately, dumbasses will bring gigantic, thick glowsticks with hooks on them that rocket down and hurt people when they come down. Are you stupid? Why would you get these?  When you are in a store and you see gigantic glowsticks, that weigh approximately 2 pounds a peice, why the hell would you be like, 'Yeah, these will be a good idea, nobody really needs their eyes anyway." Seriously, have a little common sense. Assholes. OH, and don't even get me started on the Sky Lanterns. Do you understand how dangerous it is to bring those to a festival around all those dreadlocks? When you light them, you have to wait until they are ready to take off, but instead, without fail, some idiot will light it and try to throw it like a frisbee and it ends up falling back into the crowd.  These are at the outdoor festivals obviously, but it wouldn't surprise me if someone tried to let one go in a venue.

Lastly, why do you drive from Georgia to Chicago and then stand outside with $20 bucks to get a ticket? I guess I respect the fact that you are a dedicated fan, but shit, you can't wait until they come around to your state? It's not my problem, but still. Wtf? It seems pretty stupid to travel 16 hours or so with $20 bucks?

Other than that, I love shows and I love music, but after being at so many, all this stuff has just really started to get to me. No more indoor venue shows, not for awhile at least.

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