Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Iron Skillet Comedy Show

Well I lied. I did not go on a treadmill yesterday, because they were all full. And you'll never guess who took the last two...yep...those damn lesbians. First they take valuable time from me on the lesbian elliptical, but now the freakin' treadmills?! Man. Uncle B even came over while I was working on the row boat machine and stole my sanitizer spray we are required to use after using a machine. She promptly returned it without saying a word or even looking at me. It was a little strange. Come to think of it, there was another awkward set of lesbians in there too at the same time. These lesbians are my age though, and one of them kept following me with her eyes wherever I went and had this creepy half grin on her face, while doing leg lifts. She wasn't even really working out though, every so often she would just do a lift and then sit and grin and look around. It was SO WEIRD. That place just attracts weirdos.

So I went on the satanic stair stepper yesterday for 10 minutes, yes you read right, 10 minutes at a level 5. That is a tough machine, but I'm getting better at it. I burned 88 calories in 10 minutes on that unpleasant, rotating demon stairwell. Afterwards, I did a few different arm machines, and 30 reps on the crunchie machine. I ended my work out by going on the swinging elliptical for 13 minutes, 5 of those 13 was on resistance of 25. I definately felt that when I was done.  I finished up by weighing in for the Biggest Loser competition. Christina, an employee, had to take my stats, and I could tell she felt awkward weighing me, since she isn't a nurse, so I said, "I can help you..." I put it to where I figured it would be and we shared an awkard girly giggle. Not because of my weight, but because I could tell that she knew how I was feeling, and even said, "I hate these things, I refuse to get on one." I replied, "Eh, I've just gotten over the fear of these things." We shared another little dorky giggle and I left. I plan on going back in tonight and dominating the stairstepper once again. Maybe I should start my work outs more often with the stair stepper.

So, how was everyone's weekend? Mine was interesting. Friday night, Ben and I decided we would stay in so that we could partake in Saturday's events instead, so we sat on the couch and flipped through the channels while sipping some cocktails. Well my cocktail was a Select 55, and his was Vanilla Smirnoff and some sort of fruity pop. Sitting on the couch can obviously get rather boring after awhile, so we were both getting pretty tired, Ben had actually quit drinking at this point. Suddenly he asks me, "Hey--Wanna go to the Skillet?" As in, The Iron Skillet. Yes! Of course I do! So we throw on some clothes and head over to the truck stop paradise for some late night face stuffing. I actually really love this place despite the crowd it draws.

So we strolled in, half hour past 11, looking like the classiest people in the joint. For whatever reason unbeknown to me, we sat down at a table nearest to the only other occupants in the booths. Along the winders--excuse me, windows, there is a long row of booths. Probably 25 or so long, the buffet is in the middle, and then there are tables surrounding it. The rapist, pedophiles' and truckers all sit closest to the door at the tables. I would assume they sit there to have easier access to it when they need to flee from the police if need be. The prostitutes, pimps and men courting the prostitutes sit on the opposite side of the restaurant from the rapist, pedophiles and truckers. I assume this is to avoid mixing these crowds for reasons that I will leave to your imagination. The booths along the windows is where the drunk people sit. Drunks of all sorts, old drunks, young drunks, social drunks, slightly drunks, etc...The reason this could be is because from the booths, you have a view of the entire restaurant, so it allows you a smorgasbord of toothless wonders to make fun of.

Ben and I felt into the category of slightly drunk. Well me anyway, Ben hadn't drank for a few hours. Like I was saying, we sat next to the only other occupants sitting by the windows. After we sat down, we immediately regretted our decision. There were 4 people sitting in the booth in behind us. One of them looked mentally challenged with coke bottle glasses and a terrible comb over, another of them was an older blonde woman shaped like an unattractive pear, presumably his wife or girlfriend. The couple across from them was another, younger woman shaped like a very large, dimply, unattractive pear and dressed like a Mexican, but wasn't Mexican.

They were hootin' and hollerin' and kept saying things like, "I bet er'ybody thinks wer drunk, but we aint! Ahuylk-huylk-hulk!' and 'People must think we on some drugs! AHUYLK!' The mentally challenged man kept getting up and was pretending to 'look for something' but instead he would always just turn and stare at our table. Not at us, but literally at the table. The only thing that I think he may have been looking at was an outdated (by like 10 years) ad for a Nokia prepaid cell phone that was sticking out of our ketchup caddy, so I took it out and hid it behind the broken coin operated 3x5 TV that sits on each table. He got up and turned to look for a third time, saw it was gone, and defeated, sat back down next to dumbo.

We just kept looking at each other and giggling like little kids who just played a prank on someone. That place is so entertaining past 9 pm! Seriously, I'm not even kidding, I love that place. Finally our waitress 'Sasquatch Tammy' brought us our food. I'm not really sure if her name is Tammy, but she looked like a Tammy, and she towered over us like the Sears tower, or the Bruce Willis tower or whatever it's name is now. She had on electric blue eye shadow, and way too much Sensual Amber perfume. I tried to be semi healthy with my order, so I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich with cheese, it was supposed to be on a roll of some sort, Tammy wasn't sure. But what I got was a 8 inch long, fried chicken sandwich with 3 pieces of 1/2 inch thick cheddar cheese on a sesame seed loaf. I was a little taken back by this completely incorrect, 8000 calorie, beast of a sandwich, but I was so hungry, so I didn't care. I ate half, and a few fries. Ben got some kind of breakfast skillet thing, with an oversized egg, ham, gray sausage and cheese omelet with hash browns and toast. A piece of gray sausage had fallen onto the table, so we proceeded to examine it. The only conclusion we came up with was that, it was gray. That's about it.

By this time, the crowd of carnies behind us had moved the circus out, so we were all alone. Sasquatch Tammy had disappeared so the girl at the cash register had to guess our table...in fact she said, "Ok, so I'm going to guess your table...Chicken sandwich and meat lovers skillet?' We nodded. For some reason she thought it was really funny, but we didn't laugh, so she then said, 'Ok, I guess I was the only one that though that was funny..."

Apparently so...

It was just an overall, hilarious, entertaining trip to The Skillet, and I look forward to a trip back. I would highly suggest this place if you are looking for some decent beer munchie food and a few good laughs.

Have a nice day everyone.

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